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I feel such a disconnect with a certain segment of Bravo fans complaining about this extra nostalgic iteration of The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. “I don’t want to see a glorified clip show.” Sorry, can’t relate! I’ve put in a truly terrifying number of hours watching Real Housewives, and I actually do want to be rewarded by getting to relive two decades of iconic moments. For me, the highlight of last week’s season premiere was not the wildly overblown fight between Shannon Beador and Tamra Judge, but all the glorious flashbacks to a time when RHOC wasn’t borderline unwatchable. That being said, I can appreciate that an entire season of nothing more than paying homage to Housewives herstory would get old fast, and I’m glad this week brings fresh drama in the form of Vicki’s episode-long spiral.
“Leather You Like It or Not” moves us from Orange County, where the first Housewives series began, to Beverly Hills, where the franchise got a shi-shi-shi upgrade. I can only assume I was assigned this week’s recap duties because I grew up in BH — the 90211 part, relax — but while the episode physically takes place in [Kyle Richards voice] my town, emotionally we’re still in the O.C. After being put out to pasture and then reclaiming her orange, Vicki is pulling focus like she’s making up for lost time. She can’t help herself, as we saw when she had a Pazuzu-esque outburst about always paying her taxes on time while Teresa was talking about her prison stint. It’s not performative — it’s pathological. At the beginning of this episode, Vicki shows real care for Kyle, who is struggling on the 30th anniversary of her wedding to her now-estranged husband, Mauricio. But her compassion only goes so far. As soon as Kyle uses the word “ashamed” in reference to her marriage falling apart, Vicki turns downright cruel. “You should be,” she says, delivering the worst pep talk imaginable. “You let your family down. You let your kids down. You’re showing them it’s okay to bail out when things get tough. It’s not okay.”
Is it monstrous? Of course! It’s also who Vicki is. This is a woman who once told Tamra, “God hates divorce,” and has spent every episode of RHOC this season talking about leaving her second husband, Donn, as her life’s biggest regret. In a confessional here, she blames reality TV for the dissolution of her marriage, so I guess we’re ignoring the affair she was having with infamous cancer-faker Brooks at the time — but I’ll let her have this. As loathsome as Vicki can be at her worst, she really does seem miserable. Over on RHOC, she’s been freaking out about being called a “Debbie Downer” by Emily Simpson, presumably because it’s a label she’s in no place to deny. Kyle puts it best by treating her as a cautionary tale. “When I hear Vicki say that the pain still lives within her, it scares me,” she says in a confessional. “I don’t want to be like Vicki.”
It does make you wonder why Vicki keeps signing up for these shows — is she looking to whoop it up again, or simply trying to find new clients? The RHUGT ladies head to a sprinter van, the site of countless memorable Housewives fights, several of which we’re treated to via flashback. But Vicki immediately goes past Meredith Marks (disengaging) to Amanda Frances (opening her laptop and working), even as the others try to earn their paychecks by poking at her. Last night, Vicki said she was putting Gizelle in a box for meddling in Vicki’s friendship with Tamra, and of course, Gizelle has now heard about this (thank you for your service, Lisa Barlow), and wants to hash it out. “I’m not prepared to have this conflict,” Vicki answers. (Did anyone else clock the anti-ICE protesters outside the window during this exchange? No wonder Vicki was so on edge!) Gizelle tells her that it’s conversation and not conflict, but Vicki continues to shut down. “I’m gonna stay working,” she says. “You guys fight, okay?”
At this point, Teresa taps in to confront Vicki about some of the things she’s said about her. Outside of a fairly benign comment about Teresa having changed the most of the RHUGT cast — they’ve all had great work done since their first seasons, and kadooze to them! — the biggest issue appears to be a 2022 BravoCon Q&A where Vicki called Teresa the most overrated Housewife. As RHONJ viewers know, and as Tre herself acknowledges, it takes her a little extra time to process slights. At first, Vicki tries to redirect by shouting about a high-end clothing store she spots outside the window (“I’m having a Ramona moment,” Luann says), but she finally realizes it’ll be faster to explain her shade by saying it came from jealousy. There’s almost certainly some truth to this, as Vicki has never been treated with the same degree of reverence as O.G.s like Teresa, Nene, and Bethenny. Mostly, though, I think she wants to get back to her work without further interruptions.
The women arrive in Beverly Hills, and I was pleased to learn that they’d be having a night in at their Beverly Hilton penthouse instead of a big event with more familiar faces. There are still so many dynamics among this cast worth exploring away from distractions like a screeching Tamra. (When Kyle and Porsha had a brief flirty moment on the bed, I was so hoping for our first cross-city Sapphic hookup.) Everyone looks very chic and cozy at the Hollywood Glitz & Glam Pajama Party, which really just means lounging around and ordering room service, a.k.a. my ideal night. The vibes are better than they were on the sprinter van until Luann puts a half-eaten kebab on Vicki’s plate and all hell breaks loose. And sure, there was a time when Lu herself would have been appalled by this breach of etiquette, but this is cabaret Lu, and she’s right to tell a gagging Vicki that it’s no big deal. Now Vicki has been saddled with a new label — “control freak” — and when Luann suggests she loosen up, she responds with a hilariously unconvincing, “I’m good, I’m loose, perfect.” She then proceeds to completely shut down when the subject turns to orgasms, because she is a good Christian woman who again chooses to repress the hypersexual Brooks era.
You almost feel bad seeing Vicki so out of her element, at least until you remember how much she’s getting paid for this. Besides, it’s a lot of fun watching her castmates try to make sense of her idiosyncrasies. Porsha offers a stunning diagnosis when she says, “I think for Vicki, this is her love language: clients,” noting that Vicki would engage with them more if they’d filled out the life insurance forms she brought. “She has a lot of angry growls,” Teresa points out. “I wonder if she does that in bed.” I’m not saying making fun of the one weird girl at the sleepover is a nice thing to do, but it is a bonding activity. As is sexy dancing, which takes up the rest of the party. I did laugh when Vicki, horrified by Porsha’s directive to give your partner a whiff of your nethers, clung to Kyle and pleaded, “Hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.” She’s alone on Scary Island with no friends!
Naturally, Vicki does not participate in any of the gyrating or the splits that Kyle and Lisa dutifully show off. To their credit, the others do honor her with an erotic dance inspired by her commitment to Coto Insurance and Financial Services. “I’m ready to die, insure me,” Porsha purrs. And yes, I do have sympathy for odd woman out Vicki, who says the other women are all so beautiful, and admits she doesn’t think she’d look like them if she tried to pull off their moves. Maybe it is jealousy that makes her behave as wretchedly as she often does. Well, jealousy and the steady diet of AI-generated MAGA memes she presumably consumes, not to make it about politics.
Speaking of jealousy, the artist formerly known as Sutton Stracke is hosting the next day’s RHOBH-themed event, an Ugly Leather Pants Luncheon. Crystal Kung-Minkoff is the first to show up, wearing the titular trousers. “Are you still jealous?” she asks, before conceding that yes, the leather pants are kind of ugly. The RHUGT cast arrives, and everyone is dutifully impressed by their bougie surroundings. Okay, Vicki does mistake Crystal for Sutton, but I think we all know that could have been much worse. At lunch, Luann recounts the events from the party in the O.C., accidentally saying that Slade had called Vicki “Porky Pig” instead of “Miss Piggy.” I expect Lu to have a better grasp on Housewives history, but I loved hearing Vicki pull out the demon voice to clarify, “I wasn’t a real pig, I was a Muppet!” (You know what, maybe the Countess slipped up on purpose.) There’s no real conflict at the table, aside from Kyle continuing to harp on Gizelle lightly flirting with Mauricio on RHOP last season. Is it that serious? Thankfully, we move on quickly, though we’re going to have to rehash this when Kyle confronts Ashley Darby about it. Let’s not pretend the Potomac ladies are anywhere near the age range Mauricio is currently pursuing.
I rolled my eyes a bit when Sutton brought out a game, but it turned out not to be a transparent attempt at shit-stirring — “let’s go around the table and admit the last time we sexually fantasized about a Bravoleb’s husband” — but rather a cute little scavenger hunt called Let the Mouse Go. There’s not much to it, really: Two teams are tasked with solving riddles to find clues that will lead them to Dana Wilkey’s $25,000 sunglasses, which hold the key needed to, you guessed it, let the mouse go. As an excuse to reference RHOBH iconography, I’m not mad about it. We get the blue bunny Kim Richards returned to Lisa Rinna at the reunion, the shoe Lisa Vanderpump disparaged as a “Maloof hoof,” the chicest windchime Dorit Kemsley has ever seen, Yolanda Hadid’s lemons, and Allison DuBois’ e-cigarette. (She really was ahead of her time.) I would have suggested adding the piece of bread Kim told Lisa Rinna to eat to calm down in Amsterdam, but that’s my only real note. In the end, Gizelle’s team triumphs, prompting more dejection from Vicki. “We lost,” she says. “I hate losing.” She’s not beating the Debbie Downer allegations any time soon.
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