The pressure to self-optimise at the start of the new school year can lead to disappointment and burnout. Instead, here are seven ways to slow things down and reap the benefits
It is a hangover from our school days that September can feel like a time for getting back to the grind. As in January, there is a sense that we should return as better workers, partners, friends and parents. This sense is even stronger now a culture of optimisation – has taken over – evidenced by the fad for adding “maxx” to everything. Yet that can lead to disappointment and burnout, which Mental Health UK reports up to 91% of adults were at risk from over a recent 12-month period.
One antidote to this drive is to embrace a slower way of living. Rather than always rushing from one activity to the next, we could be enjoying life.
“In the age of digitisation, from work to socialising, we are seeing everything intensify,” says Heejung Chung, a professor of work and employment at King’s College London. “But by doing everything, we’re also creating a culture where it’s seen as normal. So you are not only creating a standard for yourself, but for everyone else as well. There is a creeping set of collective expectations that we can do everything, especially women, and we need to change it.”
So say “no” to self-optimisation this September, and instead embrace these practical ways to slow everything down – from work to parenting.
More often than not, we feel as though we don’t have enough time to converse with strangers in our daily lives, whether that be the woman next to you at the bus stop or the barista making your coffee. Yet taking the time to mindfully have a conversation with someone we don’t know has tangible benefits.
In Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How Small Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life, Dr Gillian Sandstrom argues just this. “Research shows that even tiny conversations with strangers improve our mood,” she explains. “They naturally slow you down, so you start paying more attention to the people around you and your surroundings. They also help you learn new things – I’ve met someone who rescues bats at Durham Cathedral, and a publican who taught me that asparagus squeaks.”
Sandstrom points to a 2012 study, Giving Time Gives You Time, which shows that when you spend time on other people, you end up feeling as though you have more time yourself. “When we’re busy, we feel like we can’t spare time for other people, but if we never take that time, we’ll never stop feeling busy,” she adds. “It’s counterintuitive but it works.”
One literal way to slow down is to start walking at someone else’s pace. “If you’re with a child, an older adult, or even your dog, let them set the pace instead of pulling them along,” says Sarah Hodges, therapy network manager at the mental health and meditation app Headspace. “When we stop rushing to keep our own schedules, we often notice things we would have missed, like the small moments, conversations and connections that make life meaningful. Research on mindfulness and attention shows that when we slow down and intentionally notice what is happening around us, we can reduce stress.”
Prof Mark Williams, founding director of the Oxford Mindfulness Foundation, also suggests walking with an upright posture. “Most of us walk leaning into the future, mentally rushing towards whatever comes next,” he says. “Research shows that simply standing or walking a little more upright can positively influence how you feel.”
If you are a parent who is preoccupied with ensuring your child is always busy, you might be doing them a disservice. “Being bored is part of the human experience,” says Stephanie O’Dea, author of Slow Living: Cultivating a Life of Purpose in a Hustle-Driven World. “This is how creativity, imagination and independence begin. A child saying they are bored isn’t an indictment of your parenting.”
Allow them the space for imaginative play. “A child is more likely to play independently if you spend time with them beforehand,” says Dr Maral Amani, a paediatric physical therapist and child development expert. “A helpful response the next time your child says, ‘I’m bored,’ is to resist immediately solving the problem. Instead, try offering confidence. You might say: ‘Hmm, I wonder what you’ll come up with.’ This communicates that you believe they are capable of finding something to do on their own.”
Another suggestion is to invite your child to help you with whatever you’re doing. “If you’re folding laundry, cooking dinner or putting dishes away, you could say: ‘Do you want to keep me company and tell me a story while I do this?’” says Amani. “Sometimes children aren’t looking for entertainment, they’re looking for connection. Inviting them into your everyday activities shows them that ordinary moments can be meaningful.”
Many of us feel we always need to be productive, even during our downtime. Yet there is much joy to be had in actual leisure time, whether that is doodling, kicking a ball around the garden with your child or listening to music. “Do something with no goal beyond enjoyment,” advises Hodges. “Research on rest and recovery highlights the importance of activities that allow us to step away from constant achievement and performance. Doing something simply because we enjoy it helps restore our energy and reminds us that our value is not only tied to what we accomplish.”
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