Reverse decluttering is here, prompting a shudder from me and my fellow neat freaks. Why would you want to be surrounded by mementos when you could be perfectly tidy?<\/p>\n
Older doesn\u2019t always mean wiser. Jo Whiley has spoken about a home hack she picked up from\u00a0\u2013 clang! \u2013 Dame Judi Dench, and I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m opposed to it with every fibre of my being. Whiley is in a new phase \u2013 her four children are grownup \u2013 so she recently began the most satisfying project of all: a decluttering spree. Hard even to type those words without a shiver of anticipation. Trigger warning for fellow neat freaks, though: this\u00a0anecdote does not end well.<\/p>\n
Whiley went to interview Dench for her RHS Roots podcast and found the actor\u2019s house \u201cpacked with family photographs, children\u2019s drawings and memories everywhere\u201d. Mind-blowingly, she means this as a positive. \u201cSeeing Judi\u2019s reminded me that lived-in spaces are often the most beautiful because they reflect a lifetime of love, family and shared experiences,\u201d she says. \u201cI suddenly thought: \u2018Why am I putting all these things away?\u2019\u201d As soon as I got home, I immediately put all the family photographs back out.\u201d TLDR: I cleaned up and then I made it all messy again. Shudder.<\/p>\n
This sorry tale could be viewed as a recluttering, but instead it\u2019s called reverse decluttering\u00a0\u2013 and it\u2019s a trend. Give me strength. It\u2019s backed up by a review article from Current Opinion in Psychology, which determined that \u2013 duh \u2013 some objects help to bring significant memories to mind. Another study found that possessions could evoke pride. What, more pride than tidiness? Nothing matters more than that. Decluttering is the heroin of housework \u2013 in its addictiveness, that is. In every other way, it\u2019s the opposite of heroin \u2013 it will make your life better and you\u2019ll never be sorry you tried it. I live to declutter. It cleanses not only your environment, but also your mind, body and soul. I\u2019m prepared to keep a capsule collection of essential items \u2013 everything else is to be chucked out, sometimes while someone is still using it, if they pause for long enough. I\u2019m like a snake, constantly shedding skin and donating it to the charity shop.<\/p>\n
Because fate has a sense of humour, I accidentally married a hoarder. The following sounds like hyperbole, but it\u2019s completely true to say the man has never thrown anything away. If at any point since birth he was given or bought it, he still has it. He has every laptop he\u2019s ever owned, even though all but the one he uses no longer work, which is why he begrudgingly replaced them. He has clothes from his schooldays, including a T-shirt that hasn\u2019t fitted him for decades and resembles a cobweb because of the ratio of hole to material. If a member of his family ever touched it \u2013 even an individual he never met, even if it is ugly, broken, useless or all three\u00a0\u2013 he intends to take it to his grave.<\/p>\n
He has a mustard cravat that also smells like mustard, despite many spins in the washing machine, which belonged to a great-great-aunt\u2019s husband\u2019s brother. You\u2019d be amazed how few occasions call for a cravat, unless you assumed it was none at all. My husband is like a bird refusing to budge from its nest because it\u2019s fiercely protecting eggs, but instead of eggs it\u2019s nonfunctional laptops, antique T-shirts and a pungent cravat.<\/p>\n
Clearly, snakes and birds are not natural bedfellows, which is why our relationship is an endless argument about whether his items have been innocently mislaid (by\u00a0him) or secretly disposed of (by me). If he hears about reverse decluttering, it\u2019s all over for me. To continue the snake metaphor too far, I won\u2019t have a leg to stand on. We recently had a lengthy, passionate debate over a stone; I won only on a technicality (he couldn\u2019t name the beach it was from before the buzzer went). The route out of our house is a one-way street and there\u2019s a no-returns policy. If he even tries to mess with the system, I\u2019ll unhinge my jaw and\u00a0swallow him whole.<\/p>\n