Monitoring apps promise to keep young people safer online, but looking in on kids’ phones can backfire. Online safety experts say there’s a better way.
Pam Wisniewski’s digital adolescence showed her the best and the worst of the internet. At 14, she left an abusive home, where she’d been isolated in a fifth-wheel trailer at the end of a seven-mile dirt road. She moved in with her older sister and taught herself to type on AOL Instant Messenger. Online, she sought out the support and the community she’d lacked at home. She also discovered how thin the ice can be. “I sent my address to some guy in New Mexico to send me a mug with my name on it,” she recalls. “And then I found a news story like five, 10 years later that he killed somebody.”
Those experiences set the course of her career. Wisniewski—now a principal research scientist at the International Computer Science Institute, a nonprofit affiliated with the University of California, Berkeley—has spent well over a decade asking what safety should look like for families navigating an evolving tech landscape, and how to achieve it without sacrificing trust. “I really see the internet as this double-edged sword,” she says.
Digital harms have become the defining fear of American parenthood. In the University of Michigan’s 2025 National Poll on Children’s Health, parents’ top three worries had to do with social media, screen time, and internet safety. Nearly half of American teenagers say they have been bullied or harassed online, according to the Pew Research Center. From there, the dangers escalate. Online drug dealers sell counterfeit pills laced with fentanyl. In the first half of 2025, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children fielded more than 23,000 reports of financial sextortion, in which a predator posing as a peer extracts a sexual image from a child and threatens to publish it unless paid. Chatbots are the newest danger, with companies like OpenAI facing lawsuits for allegedly coaching children toward suicide.
Most parents’ first defense is conversation. In Pew surveys, more than nine in 10 say they’ve talked with their teens about what’s appropriate to share online and how to treat peers. They get an assist in limiting exposure from tools that come preinstalled on phones: Apple’s Screen Time and Google’s Family Link let parents cap screen time, block or approve apps, filter web content, and track devices. There are also apps that let family members share locations; Life360, the largest, has nearly 98 million monthly users.
But a growing number of adults are opting for tools that go further. Rather than simply restrict or locate, content-monitoring apps scan a child’s texts, photos, emails, and chats and alert parents whenever an algorithm flags something it deems dangerous. Business is booming, and the next wave of growth is already being marketed around AI, with companies positioning themselves as foils to chatbot companions and other risks. The broader market for parental control software, encompassing dozens of apps, was worth an estimated $1.57 billion in 2025 and is expected to nearly triple in value by 2034. Bark Technologies, the current leader among content-monitoring apps, says it scanned 11 billion messages to or from 7.5 million children in the US in 2025. Its free school program is in more than 3,700 districts, covering about one in 10 kids in the US. While Bark aims to flag only content that trips its filters, some competitors, like FlashGet Kids, include features like screen mirroring and camera access.
These apps have had genuine successes: They’ve prevented suicide attempts, intercepted predators, averted school shootings. But they can also cause harm themselves. To get a read on how digital surveillance affects young people, I scraped more than 600,000 reviews of the leading apps and talked to kids, parents, and people who were monitored as children and are now grown. Some kids were grateful for their parents’ protection. Others described false alarms that got them punished, secrets revealed before they were ready, breakdowns of trust, and anxiety they carried into adulthood. (To protect their privacy, we’re not using their full names.)
None of this is easily fixed. But child-safety researchers and advocates say better approaches exist. One is to make the platforms themselves safer, forcing social media companies to build guardrails instead of leaving families to find their own. This “duty of care” approach is now advancing in the UK, Australia, and a number of US states. Another is to spend less effort watching kids and more effort helping them recognize risk, cope with it, and turn to a trusted adult when something goes wrong. This approach is called resilience.
Wisniewski and others are developing tools that don’t aggressively monitor kids but train them in resilience and build trust with parents. “If we define safety as the absence of risk, the way you keep them safe is by keeping them off the platforms entirely,” she says. “But if we define safety as the ability to protect oneself and engage without engaging a risk, the solutions look very different.” It is the difference between abstinence lectures and sex ed.
Content-monitoring apps typically involve two pieces of software—one on the child’s device, one on the parent’s. A parent installs the kid-side app, connects the kid’s accounts, and chooses what to surveil: messages, social apps, browsing, location, screen time. The kid-side software forwards activity to the company’s algorithmic classifiers, which scan for content related to sex, drugs, bullying, and self-harm, among other categories, and push alerts to a parent-facing dashboard. The same type of software can be loaded into school-issued accounts and devices.
Sometimes the safety net works. Titania Jordan, Bark’s chief marketing officer, told me the FBI has thanked the company on multiple occasions for bringing credible school-shooting threats to its attention. “I hate that we have to exist,” she says. “But I’m so thankful that we do.” According to Bark’s annual report, its classifiers alerted hundreds of thousands of families to severe self-harm risks in 2025. Gaggle, a school-monitoring competitor, makes a similar claim in its own annual report, crediting its software with saving over 1,000 lives in the 2024–’25 school year.
Nearly one in five kids noted feeling watched or stripped of privacy. About one in 10 said monitoring broke their trust in their parents; one in 12 described anxiety or distress.
Real-world efficacy across the market is harder to measure, though there are hundreds of anecdotes in the reviews—predominantly about how location-sharing apps like Life360 have helped parents find lost kids. Dozens of reviewers also praise content-monitoring apps for averting major crises like potential suicide or self-harm. Of the reviews I scraped (reviews, it’s worth noting, represent a self-selected sample that’s skewed toward strong feelings), over 200,000 had some indication of whether they were written by a parent or a kid. Parents liked whatever worked. On average, screen-time limiters and location trackers drew four- or five-star reviews 74% to 78% of the time. OS-level controls and content-scanning apps fared worse (44% and 48% positive reviews, respectively), with parents’ top grievance being that the apps were unreliable: They disconnected, missed genuinely troubling content, and raised alarms over nothing.
The kids being watched had different concerns. Of the reviews I could attribute to either a parent or a kid, about 14,000 came from kids being monitored now or from adults looking back at being monitored in their youth. Roughly one in seven were, on balance, grateful. (Gavin, a teen I messaged with, said that monitoring “taught me self-accountability and integrity.”) But nearly one in five noted feeling watched or stripped of privacy. About one in 10 said it broke their trust in their parents; one in 12 described anxiety or distress. That’s not surprising, given that child-development experts have long said testing boundaries and building autonomy are what adolescence is for. A 2019 meta-analysis in the European Journal of Developmental Psychology, which pooled 31 long-term studies on how parent-child communication changes, found that children naturally disclose less to their parents as they age—the work of building an independent self.
Making matters harder for kids, a lot gets caught in the dragnet unnecessarily. S., an 11-year-old on the autism spectrum, recalls messaging her best friend at school about whether a service dog might help with her meltdowns or keep her from harming herself. The school used Bark, which alerted the principal, S.’s parents, and her friend’s parents, citing content involving “self-harm.” Perhaps frightened by the alert, the friend’s parents cut off contact between the girls. “My first thought was, why?” S. told me. “It’s not like I’m hiding anything. But I’d rather people who weren’t in the situation not see it.” Over a year later, the girls still don’t speak.
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