I've been divorced. Twice. I know how this feels. The right thing to do is tell them what they need to know, but not every painful detail
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Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler. Got a question for Rebecca? Submit it anonymously on the form here. You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.
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After almost 20 years of marriage, my husband and I are getting divorced. I don’t want to get into exactly what happened because it’s deeply personal, but I will say this was my decision.
I found out he did something that shattered my trust and broke my heart. Once I knew the truth, I realized I could never look at him the same way again. After years of feeling unhappy and betrayed, I’ve reached the point where I know I can’t forgive him. As painful as this is, my decision is final.
The part I’m struggling with now is telling my parents. I’m 50 years old and have three teenagers, but I still dread having this conversation with them.
My parents are elderly, very traditional, and have been married for more than 60 years. To them, marriage is forever. I know this news will break their hearts. They’ll also worry about what their friends and our extended family will think. That’s just how they were raised.
I know divorce isn’t unusual, but that won’t make this any easier for my parents to accept. I’m afraid they’ll feel our family has failed and that I’ve failed as a wife and mother.
What I can’t decide is how much I should tell them. Part of me wants to explain what happened so they’ll understand why I’ve made this decision. The other part of me doesn’t want to burden them with details they can’t unhear or change how they see my husband, who they love.
How much do parents really need to know about their adult child’s divorce? Is it enough to simply tell them our marriage is over or should I tell them the truth about what led to it? I know this conversation is going to break their hearts no matter what I say. — Dreading the Conversation
I don’t like throwing out the word “expert,” but I’ve been divorced. Twice. I’m either wildly unqualified to give marriage advice or exceptionally qualified to give divorce advice. Let’s go with the latter.
