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Count Binface has not held back on the number of pledges he is making as he takes on Nigel Farage in the Clacton by-election.
The “space and electoral warrior” has published a 20-point platform for the contest.
The race was triggered by the Reform UK leader quitting as MP for the Essex seaside constituency as he faced a swirl of financial allegations.
So it is not surprising that at least some of the Count’s manifesto promises are directed specifically against Mr Farage.
* MPs who resign mid-Parliament to be banned from the resulting by-election
* I promise to spend more time in Clacton-on-Sea than in Washington DC, and to champion the area
* I will not accept ÂŁ5 million gifts from crypto billionaires (on Earth)
But there are also a number of other pledges which might be expected from a not always entirely serious electoral contender.
* Bus fares to be capped at ÂŁ1.99, and 99 Flake ice-creams to cost no more than 99p
* Arcade grabber games to be made fairer so players “actually have a change to win”
* Parliament to be moved “to my new Bin HQ” while the Palace of Westminster is restored
* Wayne Rooney to be “new expert summariser for BBC” at Eurovision